R.I.C.E

Rest. Ice. Compression. Elevation.


for those of you who have played sports you may know what this may be applied to.


a sprained ankle.


yup. I sprayed my ankle.


I shouldn't be surprised. It was only a matter of time. Lately when I've been playing basketball I've been getting a little clumsy and losing my balance a lot. I thought maybe I was getting better at standing since I did stay upright most of the time. Of course, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. My good thing was balance. I went kerplop last night while playing basketball. My ankle took a hard fall and yea..it was painful. Luckily I have amazing friends who were all very helpful. Today though kind of sucked. I woke up with my ankle hurting more than ever and I went to the Student Health Center and they just looked at it and sent me on my merry way after giving me an appointment. I hobbled from class to class (not fun). It was kind of fun doing the directing scene because me and my partner switched roles since her character was suppose to have a hurt ankle! I didn't have to act at all! But the bad part of the day was that I got a parking ticket for not getting back to my car in time. I was only 5 minutes late! It was so dumb. I was parked at the Health Center and I had to park as close as I could because I couldn't walk! It's not my fault the school is retarded and can't aid those in need. So I went to contest the ticket and I told them I thought they were lame. I eventually had to result in calling a police escort to drive me to the health center so I wouldn't die. After waiting for hours, and making a new friend also in my current predicament, I was X-rayed, bandaged up, put on crutches and sent home. Luckily for me, I had my good friend Tyler who was willing to drive and pick me up and take me to my car. Oof what an eventful day. At least I didn't have to work. I showed up and they sent me right back home....oh well!



Quote of the Post:
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, your reputation is merely what people think you are and your character is who you really are.

1st Week of My Second Year of College

Holy smokes...I'm a sophomore in college! That's so crazy to me! It seems like I should still be wandering the campus lost and confused but instead I'm rockin it like a rock star! So the beginning of the week ended with me in an emotional breakdown, but what else is new. My classes are pretty chill for the most part and I feel I can do pretty well in them. I may get fired for all my schedule changes in what not, but I'm hoping for the best. School isn't really all that important to me as bad as that sounds. Sure I want to do well, and I will try my damnest to do so, but it's not the first thing on my mind. Right now, I am just so caught up in all the great things God is doing in my life and with Campus Crusade. Our first meeting of the year had over 100 people!!! It was crazy! I remember I was in the back room with the worship team praying and when we came out the Titan Theatre was packed! I was seriously in a state of awe, I had no idea what to do! It was crazy and amazing! DJ did a great job with the message too. Ahh I'm still so excited about Crusade! And our first Dorm Revival had more people than ever before! I believe at the end of the night the final tally was 30, which was amazing!!! Mark is a pretty solid speaker as well. After this great first week, I have high hopes for the rest of the semester and I cannot wait to see what else God presents to me! So I may not believe I'm actually in my second year of college, but I sure am ready to strut my stuff!!!



Quote of the post:

Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of just trying to be the right person.

Summertime

So I usually don't like the summer. It's not that I enjoy school but I like the idea of having something productive to do. In the summer I feel as though I am just wasting time. But this summer was GREAT! The first half of it was non stop greatness. I temporarily ended my tutoring job which was sad but necessary, and my students even gave me a gift card to target...it was awesome =). Then I had my birthday and I finally turned the big 1-9. Last year of being a teenager! I went to go see Hairspray for my birthday (the Broadway one not the movie!) and it was absolutely the most amazing show I had ever seen. Breath-taking. Then I pretty much spent most of the summer in Fullerton where I just spent time with my AMAZING friends! Of course I had to get a job but it is ok, I like my new job. I currently work for Barnes & Noble in Fashion Island. It's a bit of a drive but it's alright, I like it down there. I have officially been there for 2 months now. Then summer school happend which sucked but it was ok because Ryan came back from Japan so I was able to text him the whole time. Which reminds me, I was finally able to catch a couple of Ryan's races and they were amazing and super fun! I loved seeing him rock it out in his element. Summer school really did suck but it was ok because I still got to hang out with friends. And the summer ended out with a bang. I literally saw some of the same Crusade people for the 5 days in a row up until school started. I really can't think of anyone better to spend time with. Those crusaders are quality people, that's for sure.




Quote of the post:

Ships in harbor are sae, but that's not what ships are made for.

First Year of College

Ok so my first year was like a freaking roller coaster like no other. I mean it started out crappy, which in my mind was what started the downhill part of the ride. I think if the year started out really well, then maybe the year would have turned out ok. But of course things couldn't work out that way. But in spite of all the bad that happened...so much good happened as well and to me, it kind of countered out the bad. And what was so good about last year? Four words. Campus Crusade for Christ. I can't even begin to imagine what my school year would have been like if I hadn't met all my friends from Crusade. I seriously can't believe how many great friendships I've made in just a short while. I even met one of my best friends, and without him, I'm not sure how I'd make it day to day. So although my teachers could have been better, grades could have been better, and life could have been better, it didn't really matter to me since I knew I had all my new friends on my side and I definitely feel as though I've definitely been having a closer relationship with God because of Crusade.






Quote of the post:

There are no wrong choice; there are only different choices.

I promise...

I'll update in like a week.....it will be different this time...I'll try to continue with a quote of each post but I will probably not add "future posts" just because...well I can't predict the future!!! Anyways, if you want to know about any of the posts that I didn't post, just let me know and I'd be happy to tell you!!! Hope everyone had an awesome summer!

Easter Basket

So tonight, at around 8:30ish, there was a knock on my door ::knock knock knock::, then I heard foot steps running down the stairs ::stomp stomp stomp:: I hurried to the door and when I opened it there was no one there! ::gasp::!!! I looked down and at my feet there was a very lovely Easter basket! I picked it up and placed it inside. At that moment I heard a door slam ::slam!:: and an engine start ::vroom vroom!:: so I ran down the stairs ::stomp stomp stomp:: and I ran out to the cars. I looked to my right, nothing, then I looked to my left and bingo! (was his name-o!) I saw a car driving off in the distance. I couldn't recognize it, it was kind of small and had a sort of bike rack on the top. So I ran back up the stairs ::clomp clomp clomp:: and I checked to see if there was a card or something in the basket. Nothing. I don't even know if the basket is for me or for my roommate! This basket is such a blessing though! I've been having an off night and this totally made it better! And my roommate has been wanting M&Ms and inside are M&Ms!!! So if you're reading this and you were the deliverer of this wonderful Easter basket...THANK YOU!!

::applause applause applause::


HAPPY EASTER!!!!

Can You Hear Me?

Can you hear me? I'm calling out to you.
Do you think about me? I'm thinking of you.
Where did we go wrong?
Tell me, what did I do to deserve all this?
Why can't bygones be bygones, the past be in the past?
Can we ever move on from this?
It can't go back to the way it was.
But why?
Why can't you change?
I changed for you, I concealed my beliefs for you.
Why can't you change for me?
Does all we went through not matter anymore?
Best is just an adjective if it has no meaning.
We're moving in the same direction, I'm just moving faster.
It's not my fault.
Can't you see I'm hurting?
Why did you shut me out?
I need you still but I need you to take a step back.
Why can't you see what you did to me?
What made you think you had the right to bring me down?
You held me in your hands and you crushed my spirit.
If I couldn' run to you, where could I run?
You took all I had from me.
I gave you all the love I had.
Can you hear me? I'm calling out to you.
Do you think about me? I'm thinking of you.

My Daily Reminder

You're gonna fly, with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that, that's ok
Sometimes life's not fair, but if you just hang in there
You're gonna see, that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe, things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved you'll be...

Lucky Number 7

Here we are folks...end of week 7. It was exciting for me because a lot of people had midterms and I don't have a midterm until right before Spring Break. So here's my weekly update.

Sunday...I went to Vanguard University to attend church at Newport Mesa. I went to visit my old youth pastor and then we went to Huntington Beach for lunch. It was really nice to see him again, the last time I saw him was in June. Then that night I went to Chain Reaction to see Richard...Goodbye Luna...play and let me tell you, he was absolutely AMAZING! Last Crusade is definitely my favorite song of his.

Monday...I went to class as normal, nothing too special there. Then at night I went to Dorm Revival, that was fun, as usual. I really like going to Dorm Revival. Then afterwards the boys had a football game so we all went to cheer them on. I was so excited because they said I could be their coach!!! It's so exciting! I love being the coach!!!

Tuesday...I didn't have to go to work because they had testing so the schedule was all off and stuff. So I stayed home and did about 6 hours of psychology notes. It was horrible, I never want to have to do that again. Then I moved some stuff around in our apartment to make room for my desk.

Wednesday...Class as usual, but in one of them we started talking about voids in our lives and it got me thinking and I ended up texting Ryan to talk to him about it. Then in Acting class I got the scene I have to work on and I am SO excited!!! It's so much fun! Then I left my Costume class early so that I could talk with Ryan in person, I think it helped some, and if it didn't it's really nice to know he's there for me to talk to. I think he's going to become my new "go to" person when I need to talk. Then I got another nametag! I was so excited. I also made a coffee date with Eleanor, except we're not going for coffee so I'm not sure how that will work out. I was so sad though because the boys want to play football against the girls and I was told that if I played for the girls I can't be the coach for the boys anymore, but then Brett said if I drive him to San Diego for Nat's show then I can stay the coach.

Thursday...I went to work and there was a substitute so the kids we out of control. 1st and 2nd period I could handle...even though I did have to give a kind of sex talk which I'm not sure I was allowed to. 7th period was rough though. I left my other school early so I could get the groups in order, but it was just ridiculous. I put them in groups and they just take their papers and join any group they want. I actually yelled at the kids and I never yell, I hate to even raise my voice. On a plus side though, our cable works now!! More sad news though was that I had to take my roomie to the train station. This has been my first time staying at our new apartment without her.

Friday...I went to class, then I spotted Ryan on his skateboard (it's easy to spot the tall red headed kids) and he came over to my old apartment to help me move. While we were there Richard called and said he and Nat would come over. So while Ryan and I waited we had another heart to heart, except this time I was the listener. Then we moved over my desk, dresser, and books. I'm really excited to have the rest of my stuff over. Now I'm waiting for the girls to come over because the Bible Study has been moved to my place for the night. And then hopefully people will stay and more will come for a movie night.

Saturday...I'm going over to my old apartment to clean and then I'm meeting up with Eleanor for our date and then we're heading over to the school to meet for the carpool up to Pasadena to the LA Metro Night of Worship. AJ is leading it so I'm quite excited.

Sunday...I'm headed down to San Diego with Brett to go to Nat's show. I'm stopping on the way to my brother's apartment to give him Richard and Nat's demos. Then it's off to the show!!


And somewhere in between all that I will do the crap load of homework I have. Whooo!!!


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on."
~Robert Frost

Men of God

Last night I came up with this topic and I really wanted to write and just now had time...dang psychology class!

ANYWAYS...

At Dorm Revival I was looking around our group and I noticed that there was a lot more guys there than girls. For some reason I thought that was kind of odd. I'm not sure why. In my high school youth group there seemed to be more girls but in my college group there are more guys, not a lot more though. I just really like seeing that there are a lot of men of God out there. Whenever I went with my youth group down to Mexico the guys would form a soccer team and would then go to a field and start playing and find others to play with. The point of this was that a lot of the men down there think it is not "manly" to be a Christian. So our guys get rough and rowdy and dirty and smelly and show them that Christian guys are just as manly as non-believers...if not more in some instances. I guess I just think of that so much whenever I think of the guys at my church or at Campus Crusade. In most of my other groups or classes, it is usually female driven, but I do like the fact that there are so many guys that are believers. Now don't get me wrong, there are a lot of girls to, but I don't know, I'm just fond of guys, what can I say, and I like knowing there are a lot of good guys in the world.
Although, it seems nowadays there are 10 not so good guys for every good guy.

Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"When you dwell on the past, you let go of the future"

And the Rockets Red Glare..

This morning at 9:00 I stood in a line along with Ryan and a whole bunch of other people all hoping to be picked. You see, today was the National Anthem Auditions for the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes. I got there right on time but there were already tons of people anxiously waiting their turn. There were a lot of talented people and also a lot of untalented people. It was very windy and the wait was long. I was getting very anxious and nervous the longer I waited but I just kept reminding myself that I could do it and that I am a good singer. When it was almost my turn I was more concerned about what city I would say I am from. San Diego? Temecula? Fullerton? I finally decided on Fullerton since that is what it says on my registration form. When it came time for me to go up, I walked to the judges with a smile on my face, walked up the stairs to the stage, grabbed the microphone, and sang my heart out. I think I did well, it's hard to judge when you are up there singing. I don't think I sang it in the key that I practiced but that's ok, I did hit the "free" note so that was nice. I felt really confident on the stage, like I felt comfortable, but then again I always feel comfortable on stages. My voice didn't quiver at all so that was a relief. Ryan gave me an 8 out of 10 and said he thinks I could get picked. I hope so. They pick about 70 people, so I hope I'm one of them. I won't know until March 30th so it's going to be a long wait, but I'll manage. If I don't get it though, I'll just keep trying, I've decided that one audition won't keep me down.


oh yea, the mascot After Shock gave me a shoulder massage, and I'm not going to lie...it was nice.

6 down 17 to go

Another week of school down. It's actually going pretty fast but I am just so tired of school. Let's recap this week. On Monday I had to attend all my classes but they weren't so bad, except for my acting class. I had to do an autobiography and I decided I'd sing for them since singing is a big part of me (I also talked about my faith) but when it came time to actually singing I was way nervous and my voice quivered the whole time. But oh well it didn't ruin my day. Then I had Dorm Revival and that was fun as always, we talked about rest and I realize how much I need that. Then afterwards Nat, Ryan, Richard and I sat around talking about my auditions and I got lectured for being too nervous, but it's ok because Nat and Ryan think I am good enough to make it and so if they believe in me I think I'll be ok. As we were leaving though Nat, Ryan, and myself got into my car I started it up went to move it from Park to Reverse and it wouldn't move. It was completely stuck. So we had to call my best friend AAA and they came out, couldn't fix it or tow it since they couldn't move it to neutral and then they left. So Nat called his roommate to come take us home and yea, it kind of sucked. Then on Tuesday I had my roommate drive me to my car and I called AAA and they came and manually moved the shifter and so I drove it to the mechanic across the street and dropped my car off. The guy told me it would take like 2-3 hours to fix so I walked around for a bit before walking to school where I met up with Cassie my roommate, saw some ducks, and then later had lunch with some crusade people. 4 hours later I finally got the call that my baby was fixed. It was a long day and I missed a day of work but oh well. On Wednesday I decided to treat myself to some sleep and so I skipped my first two classes and slept in. Then I went to my acting class. Afterwards I walked around trying to find something to do, I called my mom and while on the phone I saw Richard so we talked for awhile and he played me part of a new song, it's really good. Then he went to class so I went to talk to Jen until Campus Crusade started. I had decideded to skip costume class so I could go to the meeting because Kyle the emcee from Winter Conference was speaking. I was really excited to get a nametag for once. Then I went to the old apartments to try and pack but we ran out of boxes. On Thursday I had work and after killing an hour at the mall I went to AJ's apartment so that he could help me with my audition, both he and Mike seem to think I have what it takes, so that has given me more encouragement as well, I just need to remember to sing it in the key of G not F. Then after work I went to the old apartments to finish packing and I tried to vacuum but it started to smell like it was burning so I stopped and came home. Then today, I went to class, went to the grocery store to buy more stuff for my throat then came home. After a nice lunch I took a nap for 2 1/2 hours before Ryan woke me up. Then I tried to drink water while laying down and I ended up spilling water all over my face and up my nose, it was horrible. So that's been my week. Nothing too special. This weekend though is going to be intense. Tomorrow morning I have my National Anthem auditions, I'm very nervous but I think it should be fine. Then right after that I'm heading up to San Bernadino to watch my other friend Ryan at his race. I'm kind of scared to do that though, because if he crashes or gets hurt again I'll be very sad. Then that night I am going to go see Richard III with Amy Grace and AJ. On Sunday I am going down to Costa Mesa to attend my old youth pastor's church and hang out with him and his family. And then that night I am going to Chain Reaction to see Richard, I mean Goodbye Luna play! I'm very excited, Richard is quite the talented guy and I really want to see the other Crusaders backing him up. So that is what is going on. Thanks for reading!


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives"

Thoughts Out Loud

So I was thinking today. If you're friends with someone for a really long time, or not a long time but you're really close and like you love them right? I mean most friends love each other, but close friends seem to love each other a lot more. So what happens when two friends who love each other in the "I care about you a lot" start to date or become boyfriendgirlfriend can they not tell each other they love each other because it's too soon. Even though they already love each other? Does that make sense. Even if friendship love and romantic love are different would it be bad to still say to your significant other that you love them? Hmm I don't know, just something I was thinking about.

It's Been A While

Oy the last two weeks have been intense. Sorry for the long gap in between updates, it won't happen again...I think. Anyways, I've missed the last end of the week post and here we are at the end of another week, so I'll combine them.
Monday 1: Had to take a political science test, not so sure how well I did on that, everything else that day seemed to go ok, nothing too spectacular.
Monday 2: No school! Yay, it was relaxing yet very boring. There was nothing to do so I was all by myself and lonely and sad.

Tuesday 1: I had work and all we did was a puzzle because they didn't have their work prepared. Other than that it was just another day.
Tuesday 2: Move In Day!!! It was kind of stressful because nothing was working out at first but finally the paper work got settled and we were given our keys! Then I had work as usual but nothing too great there. Then I got really stressed because I thought Ryan was going to bail on me (he was my guaranteed volunteer mover) and I got really upset but then everything worked out fine. Ryan and I moved over a couch and two chairs and a lamp and the tv over, it took us about an hour. Then right when we finished Nat was able to help out for awhile and we got over the futon and my roommates mattress. That night my back was hurting so bad, I think that I lifted wrong.

Wednesday 1: Valentines Day! I had made some super cool valentine cards and passed them out to my close buddies. In my acting class we were given lollipops and in my costume class he gave us chocolate covered espresso beans. Then at Campus Crusade I didn't make it in time for a nametag as usual. It's very sad, I always feel left out because I never get a name tag. But anyways, later that evening Nat dropped some flowers off at my roommate's work for me. It took her by surprise and it was awesome. Then we went to the CSUF v. Long Beach game with a group of friends, we lost, it was sad.
Wednesday 2: Move in day number 2! I actually felt horrible that day. I totally got really mad at Ryan and it made him feel bad and I felt absolutely terrible! I regretted it the moment I hung up the phone with him. I quickly apologized so I'm thinking things are ok but here's a lesson for you all, if you are overly stressed don't take it out on those you care about most. Ryan is the last person I should have ever gotten mad at so it was just bad.

Thursday 1: I stayed up ALL night working on my psychology and english paper, that's about it. It stunk.
Thursday 2: I had work, a late start, it was wonderful. Then I went to my old apartment to grab a few essentials and then stayed the night again at my new place/

Friday 1: I barely made it through my three classes because I was so exhausted. But then after school Cassie and I headed to Porterville for the weekend. Porterville is Cassie's home. It was nice there, so relaxing. And they had a Rally's. I hadn't been there in like five years so I was so so so happy!
Friday 2: Went to school, managed acting class without my buddies and then took a nap. Later I'll head over to Amy Grace and Merrilee's for a Bible Study and then for movie night.

Saturday 1: Cassie and I headed home and I got back in time to catch some of Ladie's Night. It was scary though because I got lost going there and some creepy guy followed me for like 10 minutes and he kept looking at me and I was scared and called my mommy and almost started to cry. But when I got to Jenna's it was ok. We played football in the dark and I was a captain and my team won. We were all just so manly that night! 2319! Then we got lost leaving. It was great!
Saturday 2: My plans consist of mostly packing things up and then at 5:30 I'm attending a Prayer Walk at the school and a barbecue afterwards

Sunday 1: It kind of sucked, I'm not gonna lie. I went down to Costa Mesa in the morning to attend the church that my old youth pastor works at but apparently they forgot I was coming and weren't there. I was very sad because I could really use him right now. But then that night was fun, after church Macgyver and I drove around for awhile and ended up watching half of Never Been Kissed at my apartment.
Sunday 2: I'm going down to Temecula. I haven't been there in awhile and I feel like it's time to make another appearance.


That's the update guys. Nothing too exciting but at least I wrote something!


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"People only see what they are prepared to see."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Moose Hunt

So as many of you know, I am moving out. Next week in fact. Anyways, my roommate and I have somewhat a small obsession for the wonderful animal called a moose. We have decided that we want to theme our bathroom around the moose. So today at Target we were looking for moose stuff, but we couldn't find any! Can you believe that!! I mean why wouldn't a store have moose things?! We thought it was absurd. So now we have to keep hunting around until we find something moose related. If not, we'll become meeses (is that the plural? who knows) and take pictures of ourselves! Yay! We can't wait for our bathroom to be complete!

Do Re Mi....O Say Can You See

I miss singing. I love singing more than anything. I mean, I sing all the time, in my car, in the shower, in the halls at school, in grocery stores, at malls, you name it and I've sung there. But I miss choir, I miss voice lessons, I miss the worship band. Everything. I was in choir for 8 years and I've been singing since I could talk (I have pictures!). I didn't really like voice lessons when I had them but that's just because my teacher was crazy. I wish I was financially stable enough to start up voice lessons again. I just miss the training of the voice. Lately I have on and off days because I don't sing properly like I use to. It's frustrating. And then the thing I miss the most is being part of the worship band at church. I only was a part of it for about 7 months but I loved it. I am forever grateful that our worship leader Grant believed in me enough to give me a chance. That meant the world to me. Especially when one night after I was done singing a girl that I didn't even know came up to me and told me I had one of the most beautiful voices she had ever heard. That was one of the most touching things anyone has ever told me. I mean I'd like to think I have a pretty good voice but I can never be 100% sure. So when people tell me those things, especially out of the blue, it really means a lot. The other night a friend of mine also told me I had an amazing voice. It was totally random and unexpected but I felt very touched. And lately I've been thinking about singing more and more. My friends Nat and Richard are in choir and when they talk about it, it just reminds me of my choir days. I just want to sing! I want to perform again. It's what I love to do! Lately I've been wanting to sing the National Anthem. Well it's not something I've recently wanted to do, I've always wanted to do it, it's one of my goals. But lately the desire has been stronger. Awhile ago I was out to lunch with some people from church and they were going around the table asking everyone what is one thing we want to accomplish before we die. Mine was to sing the National Anthem at a baseball game in a baseball stadium. Any game, any team, any stadium. I just want to so badly. I just wish I knew how to go about doing that.
Singing is my passion and my dream, there's very few things I love more.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Only by going too far can one possibly find out how far one can go."
~Jon Dyer

beep! beep!! beep!!!

Semi-trucks scare me. They have for quite sometime now. I think my fear first began when I had to drive my teeny tiny car between two big scary semi's. Plus, they never see my car and so I feel like they are going to run me over. One almost did one time! But the are like on my top list of fears. I have to honk at them just so they know I'm there! However, I learned recently that at night if a semi truck needs to switch lanes, you provide room and then flash your brights at them so that they know they have room. And then they are suppose to flash their lights back to say thank you. If they don't then they are rude and mean and evil. But yea, I'm just not a fan. Although sometimes they are quite comical. Like this one time, my roommate and I were driving on the freeway and this one truck was following a car and the car was moving quite slow so the semi drove around him saw that the driver was talking on his cell and so the semi driver stuck his hand out the window and made a talking sign towards the driver...it was hysterical. But yea, semi-trucks are like the whales of the freeway.



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Everyone has problems, some are just better at hiding them."

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

It's that time again. Valentines Day. I kind of have mixed emotions about this holiday. I mean it one sense I get really excited over it and act like a kid and I like to go any buy valentines to pass out to all my friends. But then in another sense, it's a holiday focused mainly around couples. People professing their love for one another. As I like to joke around with people I'm 18 years and going strong. Meaning, I'm 18 and I've never had a valentine. It's kind of sad but it's not something I like to dwell on. I would absolutely LOVE it if I had V-day plans even if it was just with friends or something but I'm not going to sit around and mope because I don't have a date. I mean God has someone in mind just for me. I may have met that person and neither of us realizes it but even if not, I am ONLY 18, I've got the rest of my life to have a valentine. But it is kind of hard because there is someone who I like (well actually 2 but we won't get into that) and it's hard to not think how great it would be to be with that person. It's really hard for me to like people because they always just see me as friends and as much as I love our friendship sometimes it's just not enough and certainly not what I'm looking for. But that's ok. This year Valentines Day lands on Wednesday the same day as Campus Crusade so I will get to be around all the people I love, and that's what the day is for anyways right? I will pass out my little goodies because that's what I do and then as of now my plans are to sit at home, eat some ice cream, and probably watch How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. But I'm up for alternate plans if the right offer comes along. Haha yea....Love you guys! I hope Valentines Day is wonderful for all of you, single or not.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"If we did all the things that we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves."
~Thomas Edison

My Inner Core

I was talking to a friend one night and I was telling him how I was actually feeling happy for once. He told me I should write a blog to discuss my inner core about why I was happy. But as my life usually works, I didn't remain happy for long. So I figured this was a good time to discuss what goes on inside me.
Now it's been difficult right now for me to figure this out my self, so my apologies if this doesn't make sense or, I don't know, is confusing.
When I think about myself, about my feelings I guess you can say, I'm some what out of sorts. I can't really recall ever being really truely happy. I mean I'm sure that I have been and I can think of times that I was happy but they never lasted long. That is until I want to say Winter Conference. I think it just really occurred when I met my friends from Campus Crusade and actually had to chance to get to know everyone. I feel like I finally met a group of people I could be completely me around. I mean I've had friends where I could be myself around but they never shared the same beliefs as me so I always felt kind of like the outsider. I'd invite them to go along with me to my church activites or I'd tell them about it, and they would always just tease me and kind of put down my church. But they were my friends and I love them. Then I had my friends from church. We had the same beliefs but I didn't feel as if I could be myself around them because most of them were home-schooled and couldn't really relate to some of the things that I talk about or go through. But my Crusade friends, I just feel like we can relate and we have the same beliefs and I can be myself without having to worry what they think. I feel I am just so blessed to have them in my life. And because of that I began to feel happy. Very happy.
But now, things just don't seem to be going the right way. And I don't know why. I don't even know what is going wrong, it just feels like something is wrong. Lately I've been feeling down a lot, I've been crying a lot more lately (I cry a lot, but I hadn't sad cried for awhile until recently), and I just don't know what to do most of the time. When I see my friends or when I'm around my roommate or my parents I put on a mask to pretend to be happy, some see through it but for the most part I can hide it fairly well. And that's horrible. I shouldn't have to hide these things and I shouldn't want to. But that's what I do, this is who I am. It's hard for me to get out of my old ways, and this is just typical me. When things begin to get hard I convince myself I have no one to turn to and so I keep things bottled up inside. Last time that I happened I ended up having a very angry conversation with God. I'm pretty sure there was yelling involved. And I hate to be angry with God because he only holds my best interest at heart. I can't begin to count the amount of times that has happened to me, I just shut down, most of the time I'm sad, and to me, the sad shouldn't outnumber the happy. But it does and I hate that.
I think the reason why I feel I have no one to talk to is because I feel like I've been losing friends left and right. As soon as I begin to become comfortable and rely on someone, they either let me down or we grow apart. Some friendships I've been able to mend or am in the process of doing so, but things will never be the same to the point where I could confide in them. I think if someone just took a look into my mind they'd get a massive headache because of all the comotion. It's just hard to deal with sometimes. People tell me I've changed and I can see that, I just hope it has been for the better. I've made some big decisions lately and I just hope they were the right ones because there is no going back. I want to be happy, and only happy. I don't want bouts of happiness, I want true fulfilling happiness. I know I need to look to God for this, and when I get in these moods I do talk to Him, however I feel as if I just get angry at Him, maybe not at Him but I take all my anger out on Him. I just wish I could feel confident enough, and trust my friends more so that I could start to confide in at least a couple people without the fear of having them leave me.


sorry for the long post.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"If you're eatting steak something special is happening, if you're eatting baloney maybe you're just special."
(had to add a little humor to this!)

Week Three

So I just realized that it is the end of yet another school week. It actually went by pretty quick. Nothing too eventful really happened, but we'll recap anyways.
Monday: I didn't have costume class so it was nice being able to come straight home at 11 and have a five hour break before my next class. However my 4:00 class was disastrous since I didn't know we had anything to turn in. But oh well. Then I hung out with Nat and Michelle in Nat's dorm and we played cards before heading down to Dorm Revival. We played a game at Dorm Revival but I wasn't a fan because it involved running around people and trying to catch or not be caught. And I fall a lot so I wasn't a fan. Then I told my small group a story that I rarely ever tell people and I was very shocked with myself for saying it since it is somewhat personal. But oh well, what's done has been done. Afterwards we went to our normal hang out spot and I made it to Chipotle 5 minutes before it closed. I was happy.
Tuesday: I had work and it was a new semester for them and I had to work with some new kids and it was pretty intimidating. But I survived. Then on my break I went to the library and checked out some movies. I've watched two so far and have to watch the other three before Tuesday. Let's see, what else did I do. Oh yea, I cut out a coupon for free Golden Spoon and then I used it.
Wednesday: I had class and campus crusade which is always fun. I read a lot from the book Ryan had loaned me. I was able to get through it a lot when I walked to school so it was cool. Then Merrilee drove me home and then me and my roommates went to Costco. I had a lot of energy because some smart person gave me caffeine. But yea it was a lot of fun. Then my roomie Cassie made us dinner and then after that my roommate Amy and I went on a hunt for dessert. Then we all sat and watched Never Been Kissed and ate Ben and Jerry's.
Thursday: I skipped work because I was just so tired and could not get my self out of bed. And it was lucky because when I called the teacher I work for my voice just happened to be dead so she just assumed I was sick and I just went along with it. Then at noon I went to watch Richard perform at the TSU Pub and let me tell you, he was absolutely AMAZING! But yea, then I went home and finished the book I was reading.
Friday: I went to my first two classes but skipped my acting class because my mom was coming up at 11 and I needed to clean and I wouldn't have been able to if I went to class. Then my mom, Cassie, and myself went to our new apartment to sign the lease and pay the rest of our deposit. So we are pretty much set and it is very exciting. Later we dropped Cass off and my mom and I went to CPK for lunch. It was yummy, Then she took me shopping at Target and we purchased some essentials for the apartment and also socks. Then I took a nap and woke up just in time for the girls Bible study at Amy Grace and Merrilee's apartment. It was nice not having to drive somewhere for once, all I had to do was just walk around the pool and then BAM! there I was!. It was a really good session. Then we had our movie night and watched a very interesting movie called The Big Picture. It was weird but it wasn't half bad. Then we just sat around talking till about, well now!
Saturday: I plan on going down to Temecula and that night I think we are having a family dinner of some sort.
Sunday: Church at Rancho for the first time in a while and then I'll probably make a surprise appearance at the Pointe before heading up to Fullerton to attend the carpool to Rock Harbor.

Eventful, I know. I wonder what the next week has in store for me!!!


*Too tired to posts the future posts, I'll put them back up tomorrow!

Waiting on the World to Change

"It's hard to beat the system when we're standing at distance, so we keep waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change". I really like that song. I just finished reading a book called Under the Overpass. It was an amazing story. It was written by Mike Yankoski and he writes about his experience of living on the streets for five months. He chose to do this because he wanted, needed to know if his faith in God was real. To see if he could uphold his morals and spiritual lifestyle without the comforts he's known all his life. His story to me was just so inspiring. I don't know what Ryan was thinking when he loaned me the book because now my mind is telling me "hey! you can do that too!" I love helping others and I would give up the comforts of life to bring myself down to their level. People are people no matter what their situation. That's partly what I'm going to do when I finally make it down to Mexico. I'll be giving up my comfy lifestyle in order to serve God's purpose. One thing I couldn't believe when I was reading this book was that, when Mike and his traveling buddy Sam would go by churches to sleep or to read their Bibles or just to attend service, they were treated with anything but kindness. One church seemed so unwelcoming by its outward appearance that they didn't even want to try it. It just seems so weird to me. We as Christians proclaim that we are always willing to help and love one another but how is it when we are faced with people we are uncomfortable around. Just because people might smell and be dirty or have no home or have lived a rough lifestyle, does that mean they don't deserve to be loved? That makes no sense to me. But maybe that is just because I love to help people and would be willing to go out of my comfort zone to help others. In regards to the John Mayer song that inspired the title and opening line of this post, I love the song, but rather than waiting for the world to change, I want to change the world.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.'" - Matthew 16: 24-25



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best."
~William M. Thackeray

Frustration

I'm so frustrated right now. How foolish it was to think I could just cut him out of my life with no further conflict. That was dumb. I just wish this was all over now so I can continue my life. I've been so happy lately, but now it feels like it's going down the drain. I wish I had my talking buddy back but now I'm left without. I just need someone to talk to very badly. Just someone who I can pour out my heart with and cry with or just to sit with. Things need to get better, I can't let him bring me down again.

What Are You Worrying For?

This past Sunday at Rock Harbor they spoke to us about our worries. How we all have something we are worried about. Towards the end of the service, we were told to write down everything we were worried about on one side of the paper. My side was quickly filled up and I discovered that I had many worries, some material, some emotional, and some spiritual. Then, on the other side of the paper we were to write what we felt would take care of our worries. I had a few of those, just thoughts on what I think would make my life fulfilling and carefree. Then we turned in our papers and as we sang a worship song they brought up these big hands onto the stage representing the hands of Jesus and then the leaders poured out all our our worries in front of the hands. Just watching all of that happen impacted me very much. It made me realize that I do worry a lot when I really shouldn't. If I just look to our Lord for guidance, my worries will be ceased. However, I know that no matter how much I do believe that, and I do believe that, I will always worry, as I know just about everyone does. Here's some Bible verses I found that lend some comfort and guidance when it comes to worrying.

"Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ." ~Philippians 4: 6-7

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6: 34

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." ~Psalm 23: 4

"Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you: He will never allow the righteous to be shaken" ~Psalm 55:22

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." ~Proverbs 3: 5-6

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is life not more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." ~Matthew 6: 25-27

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." ~1 Peter 5:7


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"The best way to find out if we had second-class citizens and what their plight was, would be to become one of them."
~ John Howard Griffin

The Heart of a Song

Maybe it's because I am a singer, or maybe it's because I'm strange but I seem to unconciously analyze songs. When I first hear a song I don't just hear it, I listen to it, I let the song wash over me. I listen to the lyrics of the song, I find out what it is the song is trying to say to me. Not just the beat of the song or how it is sung or what genre it is. To me, the lyrics are the heart of any song. I mean other people could feel differently but in my opinion, a song is good if it has good lyrics. I know a lot of people who listen to music because they like the beat but in reality they actually have no idea what is being said in the song. I don't want to write to much on this because well American Idol is on. But when this topic came to mind I thought of two examples, musicals and country. A lot of people dislike country music and well you ask them if they want to hear a musical soundtrack they run for the hills screaming. But for a lot of those songs in those categories they actually have good heartfelt lyrics. Now I know that's not always the case, but you have to give them a chance to find out! Here are two song examples.

For Good- from the musical Wicked

I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn and we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return
Now I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today, because, I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder half way through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good
It well may be, that we will never meet again in this lifetime
So let me say before we part, so much of me is made from what I learned from
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart
And so whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine, by being my friend
Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But, because I knew you, I have been changed for good
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for
But then I guess we know there's blame to share and none of it seems to matter anymore

Anyway- Martina McBride

You can spend your whole life building something from nothing
One storm can come and blow it all away...Build it anyway
You can chase a dream that seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way...Dream it anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray, it doesn't always turn out like I think it should...but I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy and it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today...Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away...Love them anyway
God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray, it doesn't always turn out like I think it should...but I do it anyway
You can pour your soul singing a song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang...Sing it anyway
I sing. I dream. I love.

lyrics to ponder!


*Future Posts*
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)

Quote:
"When it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile"

Why me? I mean really.

So here I am, in my three hour political science class. I arrive at class expecting it to go a little less than smoothly but no, it was way more than "less than smoothly". So I haven't been able to access this class on Blackboard so I figured I'd be missing out on some things. I was pretty sure that we had a reading assignment but I didn't know what it was. See, my teacher (who is actually a very nice lady) didn't pass out a syllabus on the first day of class and the way to get it and all our assignments was through Blackboard. Good right? Right. Well as I get to class today, early and somewhat prepared, I find out from my peers that not only did we have to read FOUR chapters, we also had a two-page PAPER to write! I mean this isn't my fault because how was I to know? But still! I even tried to e-mail my teacher like a week and a half ago but the Titan e-mail said it was not a real e-mail address. There really wasn't anything else to do. And then my teacher comes in and says how she e-mailed everyone and stuff and um I never got that e-mail! Like really, I'm the only person. I mean come on now, why me?!

2 Down 14 To Go

Ok I don't really know if there are 16 weeks of school but I'm taking a wild guess. But yes, the end of week 2 is done. It actually seemed to go by pretty quickly. Let's review. Monday I had a pretty excellent day. My morning classes went pretty well and then my monday evening class got cancelled which was pretty awesome since I didn't feel like 3 hours of political science. Then I went to KFC and they actually remembered my mac & cheese AND I got a free chicken strip, how cool is that? Let's see, I mended a friendship that I thought was long gone and so I am very happy about that. And finally I had Dorm Revival and had an amazing evening with amazing people. Then Tuesday, I had work with some cool middle schoolers, I watched the movie If Only and cried my eyes out, then I went back to work, took a nap, and my roommate brought home pizza for the apartment. On Wednesday I decided to sleep in and not go to my 8am Psychology class, and then in Acting class we had to act out a painting and it was quite challenging, then in Costume the teacher let us out early so I was able to attend most of the Campus Crusade meeting. Then at lunch I realized I was dumb and forgot my debit card at home and so I just sat with friends until I went to go chill at the Crusade table at Discoverfest. While at the table I met some nice people from Intervarsity who said they were sorry that we were targeted in the Daily Titan. Then I went home and took a nap and ended the night with a nice phone conversation with my bud Macgyver. Then on Thursday I had work but it was a half day at school so I just stayed the whole time so I actually got more hours than I usually would have. And while we were there this student brought in homemade salsa and oh my gosh, let me tell you, that stuff was HOT!!! Then I came home and went bike shopping with my roommate Amy, but she wouldn't let me test drive one, it was sad. Then she treated me to dinner at El Pollo Loco. It was nice. Then we came home and picked up my other roommate Cassie and we all went to the school to work out. I did a mile on the treadmill and then 4 miles on the cycle thing. I tried a bike but it hurt my bottom too much and so now my butt hurts (not that you wanted to know that or anything). Then we all went to Golden Spoon and watched Grey's Anatomy. Then today, Friday, I managed to get up for class, which was good because we have to take a quiz this weekend and we need a password for it, so if I missed the class I wouldn't have been allowed to take the quiz. Then finally in Acting class we had to get with partners for an open scene and of course I'm with Liz because we're pretty much inseparable. We're really excited for it, ours is going to be the best. And now later today is the first game of the season for CSUF baseball! I'm way excited, even if I am going by myself. Haha just no one else likes baseball! Well some people do but not a lot of my friends.
And this weekend shall be fun. Tomorrow, Saturday, I have open scene rehearsal and then a scavenger hunt with Crusade. And then Sunday I have church and a baseball game. Oh and in between things Cassie and I will go apartment shopping!
Oh yea, and somewhere during this week, I got my Stagecraft final project back. The one I stayed up three nights in a row to finish. Yup, I got a 57% on it. Nice Right?

Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Guarding the heart/ defining moment
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)

Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"
~Dr. Seuss

Losing a best friend is harder than I thought

Now I need some advice from you guys, my loyal readers. I've made the decision last weekend to end my "best friend"ship with well my best friend. I just feel like we're at two different levels in our lives right now. I mean he's changing in ways that the old him never would have. He's hanging with a new friend who I really don't care for and seems to be shutting out his old friend. It seems weird to me and I just don't understand. I also feel that maybe I'm at a different maturity rate than he is. I'm not saying that I'm so perfect and mature but I feel that with my situation and upcoming situations, I've had to grow-up a little faster. I'm being forced into the "real" world earlier than most. I mean my parents are leaving the state so I no longer have them as a crutch, I'm going to have to start paying most of the rent, especially if I have to pay for a whole apartment for two months in the summer, I haven't bought groceries in a long time and I need to sometime soon, I need a second job to keep up with payments...it's just a lot to handle at 18, not to mention that I'm balancing all that while also taking 17 units at school. And him on the other hand doesn't have to worry about any of that! He lives in the dorms so he doesn't need to worry about rent or bills, he doesn't even need to get a job if he doesn't want to. And that's not a bad thing! I mean I am glad that he doesn't have to worry about all that, and if I lived in the dorms who knows how my life would be. But I didn't get into the dorms and so things are different. And I'm not saying he is immature, I'm just saying we're growing at different rates. When I tried to explain this to him he took it the wrong way. I'm not saying that I'm so much more grown-up because I have all these responsibilities but I just feel we are at two different places. We also come from two different belief systems and as much as I wish I could change him, I know I can't. And finally, most of the time when I am sad it is because of him. Last I heard a best friend shouldn't make you cry all the time. I see other best friends and they seem like they are always having a good time and have such a strong connection. I lost that with him.
My roommate and I want to move out of our apartment complex to somewhere totally different and one of the main reasons is because we want a fresh start. And along with that fresh start and I want other fresh starts with other aspects of my life. I feel I just need to cut loose my ties with friends who bring me down. They may have been good friends at one point but now we're just in two different worlds it seems. I know I'm immature at times but I know when to become mature and I think that is where others fall short. So I'm going to try going without a best friend for a while to see how that goes. I just hate not having someone to turn to. It's like now, I have no one I can go and talk to, or cry to, or vent to. It's not a good feeling.
Now what I'm asking from you guys is...am I making the right choice in all of this? If you were in my shoes would you do the same? Should I cut ties completely or just minimize contact. When I first made this decision I wasn't that sad, however, right now, I'm very sad and I just want these dang tears to stop.





*future post and quote section will return in the next post*

New Friend

I guess you can say I have an active imagination. Oh well. I have a new friend. He's Mexican AND Italian. Yea two in one! His name is Raul and he is a ravioli. He's pretty cool. Currently, he resides on my apartment white board. He's drawn in green but really he's white with red sauce on him. He's had quite an eventful life so far. Right now he's at the shining age of 10. Just a baby in comparison to the rest of my friends. He use to live in Italy with the birthname of Luigi. However, his life almost came to an end when he found himself face to face with an angry chef. He luckily was able to dodge the menu and made his escape. He hopped onto the first cruise ship leaving Italy and kept hidden the whole time not wanting to risk being cooked. When the ship docked, Luigi quickly ran off and soon realized he was far from Italy. He was in fact, in Mexico. He figured this was his chance to start a new life. I mean, who eats ravioli in Mexico anyways? Luigi figured it best to completely diminish any part of his old life and so his first step was to change his name. So Luigi became Raul. Now Luigi's, excuse me I mean Raul, next step was to get a job. I mean you can't live without money! So he became the owner of a small taco stand near the border. What a better way to avoid being cooked. He's in charge of all the cooking so there is nothing to worry about! After he was somewhat financially stable he purchased some Mexican clothing, put on his sombrero and his poncho, and went to find a place to live. However, Raul soon realized that he couldn't possibly continue to live in Mexico because he could simply not master the Spanish language. So what did he do? He crossed the border into America and managed to travel all the way up to Fullerton, California. That's where I come into the story. I was rummaging through my cupboard when I heard a small voice trying to call out to me. I soon realized it was coming from the can of Chef Boyardee. I quickly opened the can and dumped it out and that's when I discovered Raul. He told me he was a special ravioli who was very much alive (like I couldn't tell!) and he didn't want me to eat him. Now of course I wouldn't eat Raul! I mean I felt this connection with him right away! He's my buddy, and now I keep him safe and sound in my apartment. He dreams of becoming either a world famous chef or a star on Broadway. We're still looking into the chances of a ravioli actually achieving these goals but we have high hopes.

Back in Full Swing

Winter break is finally over and what else is there to do but return back to school. Before I get into this semester I'm going to go over some things that happened last semester. Let's just say that last semester was definitely not the best and was a perfect example of what a first semester at college should NOT be like. It wasn't too horrible at the beginning. I mean I made a small group of really good friends who I will hopefully stay friends with for a majority of my college experience. Especially my friend Liz. I met her on the first day of school and she's already been there for me through a lot of stuff, and I mean a lot. But she's great and I don't know what I'd do without her. I also met people from Campus Crusade and although I was unable to be involved as much as I'd like to be, I still really enjoyed it and am looking forward to Crusade this semester. The major event that occured last semester which made it not so good was what happened in my Intro to Stagecraft class. Now that was my first mistake. I'm one of the last people that should ever have been in that class, but oh well. The teacher was ok, so I thought at first, but now I just have so much anger towards him. What happened was that he assigned us a drawing and Liz and I could not figure out how to do it so we went to my apartment after school and worked on it together. We did our own work and didn't collaborate at all. We just were working together so if we got stuck or had a question we could help one another. When our teacher returned them to us though we both had "See me after class" written on it and of course, that couldn't be good. He accused of cheating and even though both our stories matched, he determined after 5 minutes that we were lying (even when we didn't). His justification for his accusations? Our spacing was the same (we both skipped a line) so obviously we cheated. And also we both wrote the prices in the same manner as he does on quizzes (assuming that is the way he wanted things done). After this happened he never mentioned it again. Then, the last week of the semester, Liz and I both received these big scary "confidential" envelopes in the mail. Inside it told us that we had cheated and that we received a zero on the assignment. Although I thought that was unfair because I didn't do anything wrong, that wasn't what made me upset. What made me upset was that it said we had a certain amount of days after the assignment was due to appeal it. However, he reported it so late that we were already out of days and so we couldn't appeal it. It was just so underhanded the way he went about things and I am still so mad at him and as of now have no good feelings. I managed a C+ in the class and let me tell you, that was quite an accomplishment.
Now for this semester, I'm planning on working harder and accomplishing more without actually making my teachers hate me. This semester just needs to be great and that's all there is to it. Although I consider Liz one of my best friends at school we've decided not to do any sort of homework together, even if it's for two different classes. We know we didn't do anything wrong but we don't want to take any chances. This semester already started out kind of shaky with me not getting the make-up class I need but everything else seems to be going ok and I'm really looking forward to what God has in store for me this semester. As week one comes to an official end as of 30 minutes ago, I have high hopes for the months to come.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Raul the Ravioli
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Happiness is felt by making other people happy"

All By Myself

After a little break I finally decided to try and attempt another entry. I'm still not really into writing right now so my apologies if this one isn't as well written as previous entries.

So, I had this idea for this post a while ago and didn't really plan on writing it anytime soon but after a request I decided to go for it anyways.
A while back, like way, way back, I hated to be alone. I never enjoyed being by myself. If I did happen to be alone I would talk on the phone or e-mail people. Even at church, I never wanted to walk around by myself. I'm not quite sure why I felt that way but it was a big part of my life for well 18 years. It wasn't until recently that I was wanting to actually be by myself. I mean when I walked around CSUF to classes I was alone but not really by choice but because there are 40,000 people around and I knew maybe like 5 of them. But I think my change of mind occured because my roommate was rubbing off on me. She would constantly go out to breakfast by herself or the movies or whatever. I always thought that was kind of odd because I could never imagine myself doing that. However, as time went on and as I slowly matured (I think I matured anyways) I began to realize being alone isn't so bad. Now I find myself wanting to be by myself now and then. To go and do something just myself. It's a good thought really, I mean you only have to worry about making plans with yourself, you don't have to worry about splitting a check, you can be spontaneous and just go whenever, and you're in the best of company. There are times when I would rather be with people, in fact most of the time I prefer company. However, being alone doesn't seem so bad. I like walking around by myself and go shopping and I think I'm even at the point where I could go catch a movie by myself if I wanted to. The best things could happen in the quiet. When I'm alone I get the chance to think a lot, I can write or read, I can sing as loud as I want, I make my own decisions, and lately I've had some amazing talks with God. These things can be done with others but for me, I do these things best when I'm alone. My advice for you, try and take time for yourself. I spend a lot of time by myself but that's not what I mean. I mean go to a restaurant by yourself or to a movie. Go for a walk, talk to yourself, even if it means people look at you like you're crazy. People look at me like I'm crazy all the time and that's perfectly ok with me. You'd be surprised at what you can learn about yourself and what you can discover and accomplish when you're by yourself. Most of the time I don't get those experiences, but hey, I'm new to this. But try it for yourselves, let me know how it works for you!



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Raul the Ravioli
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
~Booker T. Washington

Just a note

Ok I know I haven't written in a few days and although I know what I'm going to write next (a request from AJ) I can't seem to get in a writing note. But I have a lot of things to write about and I will get to them eventually. Stay tuned and I'll be back at it hopefully sometime soon. Thanks to all of you who read these! I appreciate it! Love you guys!

This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us

So today my mother told me she and my step-father had plans that night, so I was like hmm ok I will just go to the movies by myself since I was in Temecula and no one else was around. But then she told me that her plans got changed and so we all went out to dinner and then to see a movie. On our way back, we had to stop at the grocery store to pick up some laundry detergent so that I could do my laundry (go figure). As we were driving down the lovely HWY 79 I realized I hardly ever drive down far enough like I use to. We were driving and I noticed a stop light I never saw before but the thing that irritated me the most was what I saw just a bit further down. Down by our Ralphs I spotted a sign that looked vaguely familiar. That's when I turned my head towards the window and I saw the beginnings of a Best Buy. Now it's not that I have anything against Best Buy but we don't need one by the Ralphs! We don't need one in Temecula period! I mean it just looked so out of place in that small shopping center! They are also building an Office Max even though Staples is right down the street! I'm so sick of people trying to cram more and more resturants/stores/buildings/homes into Temecula! There's not enough room for it all! When I first learned the existence of Temecula it was a small town with hardly anything, not even a Walmart. But now, it just seems so over crowded! It takes forever to get anywhere due to the newly developed traffic! I just can't stand it anymore. I guess you can't really understand this frustration unless you know the Temecula area or another use-to-be small town. It's just so irritating, why do they need to keep building? We have plenty of stuff! I mean there's a Best Buy in Murrieta just 15 minutes away! It will probably take the same amount of time to jump on the freeway and drive the couple exits to Murrieta as it will to get to the one off HWY 79 because of all the new stoplights and other obscurities.
It's just so frustrating. Why fix something that doesn't need to be fixed? Just let things be.


Can't wait for that waterpark to come in! (not even kidding, they're going to build one in Temecula too!)



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Solitary
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing


Quotes:
"Laughter is my medicine. Music is my gift. Acting is my passion. True friends are my saving grace. God is my hero!"
~Ryan Boone (a friend of my brother, he had this as his myspace headline and I just found it to be moving, so I thought I'd share it.)

Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Fairest Of Them All

Last night I dyed my hair again. Yea, I know, exciting. But it got me thinking...again...yes I know, I think a lot, leave me alone. So I dyed my hair for the first time in July. Now a lot of people dye their hair to look younger or to look prettier or to catch the eye of that special someone, but that was not the case for myself. I had simply dyed my hair because I was tired of people saying that I had black hair. I do NOT have black hair! It's not that I have anything against black hair, I just don't have it. And I was sick of people telling me that I was the one who was wrong and that I cleary had black hair. Now if any of these idiotic people took the time to actually see my hair in the sun or light then they would know that I in fact had brown hair. Really, really dark brown hair, but brown hair nonetheless. Finally it got to the point where I just could not take it anymore and I wanted to do something drastic. So my friend and I made the journey to WalMart where I plopped myself down on the groud with 10 different possible hair colors to choose from. After purchasing the dye, going to my house, dying the hair, and then dry it, I realized that I wasn't prepared for such a change. I mean I know it's just hair but it would be something I was stuck with for awhile. To be honest, I don't even think my hair is so great, it's not like I ever do anything special to it anyways. But when I saw that my hair was now a distinguish brown it took me back a little bit. My hair was still dark just not as dark. I eventually got use to my hair and went on with my life. But as most hair does, it began to grow. So my true roots showed up unwelcomed and my head became two-toned. Not too pretty. Now it wasn't hideous and not even that noticeable but I knew it was there and that's all that matters. So last night my roommate and I decided to both dye our hair. I don't trust myself at all with that stuff so she did it for me. The final outcome? Not good, not bad. It didn't really cover up the dye I had in originally and the color it was suppose to be isn't really there. My hair pretty much looks the same just a tad darker. I don't really like my hair super dark but what's done is done. Now after all this I ask myself, since I care so much about my hair and how I look does that make me vain? Because I alter my appearance does that mean I'm trying to prove something or better myself? Or can people care about how they look without being considered vain? I mean my hair was fine how it was but I changed it for myself, not others. And this time, I dyed it because the color was leaving, is wanting my hair to be one solid color being vain? What constitutes someone being vain? Is vanity such a big issue we should all be concerned with or is it ok to care about we look like and thus wanting to look nice. I hope no one thinks I'm vain for dying my hair.
Good thing I only paid three bucks for the hair dye though!




Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me



Quote:
"I hate theatre, I also hate the sight of my own blood, but it's in my veins."
~Charlie Chapman

Fool Me Once Shame On You, Fool Me Twice Shame On Me?

So on my way home from work this morning I was listening to a song on the radio (don't ask me which one I don't remember) and it got me thinking about second chances. I don't really even think that the song I was listening to had anything to do with second chances, but that's just how my mind works. But to the point now, when is it right to give someone a second chance and when is it a one shot deal? Many of you have heard the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" but is that always true? Under what circumstances do people not deserve a second chance? And when do they deserve one? In reference to my title of this particular post, if I give someone a second chance when they've done me wrong and then they go and do it again, is it really my fault? Or should we all be entitled to second chances and if we blow it then it's our own faults and not the faults of those who were generous enough to give us another chance. And then how many chances is to many? I hear about people who were cheated on but they still took their boyfriend/girlfriend back only to have it happen over and over again. Does anyone ever learn a lesson is we are constantly given/giving second (third,fourth,fifth) chances? My thoughts in the matter are that it just depends. If someone kills another man I'm not going to just give him a gun and say it's ok, I'll give you another chance only to have him kill someone else. I'm not dumb. But if I make a mistake and I am sincerely sorry about it, I expect to be given another chance. Now I'm not saying I'm going to go cheat on a boyfriend and expect to be taken back (mainly because I would never cheat on anyone). But I don't really believe in once a cheater always a cheater (unless I was the one cheated on because that's a different circumstance) but if I start a new relationship with someone who had in the past cheated on someone, I'd be willing to give them a chance. People make mistakes and people grow-up. It's all part of life, it just takes others longer to figure things out and get there act in order.
So my overall message I guess is, when is it ok to give second chances and is does everyone deserve them?




Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Vanity



Quote:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
~John Lennon

And If I Die Before I Wake

It's amazing how quickly things can change that alter our lives. You can be having an awesome day, everything going the way it should and then all of a sudden you get a call from someone and your world comes crashing down. Tonight while me and my roommate were hanging out her brother called her. She's been worried about her family lately because both her aunt and he grandmother were diagnosed with breast cancer. She had talked to her brother earlier today just to talk so I knew that another call from him in the night was not a good sign. I listened to her side of the conversation when I heard the not so good anticipated gasp and I just knew something was wrong. She told me her grandmother had just passed away. My roomie's been handling it ok but I know it will hit her more once she goes home and is with her family. Now I didn't know her grandmother but I know she was a woman with life just flowing from her. I could tell from the way my roommate spoke about her and from the card we've had on our fridge from her just writing to say hello. I feel sad for my roommate because I know what a loss this must be.
This whole thing got be thinking though, as most things do. It really brings to mind the saying "live life to the fullest". I mean sometimes life gets you down and it's hard to get back up but if we live our lives laying down then we can really miss out on the finer things in life. If I die early, or when I die at all, I want people to remember me as someone who just lived a good life, who although went through some hard times, made the best of everything. And if I were to lose someone close to me, I'd want to make sure that I made every day spent with them something to remember for always. I mean if I don't live life with some kind of bright spirits and hopeful outlooks then I could've missed out on some of my most cherished experiences. And if I don't spend quality time with people then how will anyone ever know how I feel about them. So never take anything for granted. There's always something to be thankful for and always something to live for. I love you all. Prayers for my roommate Cassie would be much appreciated. Thank you.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Vanity



Quote:
"Tell that someone that you love, just what you're thinking of, if tomorrow never comes."
~Garth Brooks

You're Going To Hollywood

It's that time again, yes, American Idol time. I remember my freshman year of highschool when that show first aired. I loved the show and I watched it all the time and even voted. Kelly Clarkson won and I love her and her music. Then came season two- five and with them thousands and thousands of hopeful singers just wanting to make their dreams come true. Ever since that first episode I always wanted to go audition for it. I even began thinking of a song I would choose as my audition song. It's not as though I thought/think I could ever become thee American Idol but I always wanted to do it just to see how far I could go. I mean people have told me I sing well but I don't know, I always have this thing inside of me saying that people may just be telling me what I want to hear. Now in some instances that may be the truth and in some not. But I just wanted to go audition and if I didn't make it through I was always going to ask "Was I at least better than someone", it's not that I want to be better than people, but if I am better than someone then that must mean I have some bit of talent. When I started school in Temecula a lot of people from my choir or choirs before then would go and audition only to have their dreams crushed by the pre-judges. Every time that happens I ask myself, what happened to my dream? Didn't I once upon a time want to be a singer? Isn't singing what I love to do the most? From karaoke to worship at church, singing is my thing. But another season of American Idol will come and go and I will be here, on my couch, watching yet another group of people either reach their dreams or have them crushed. It shall be interesting to see who will be our supposedly next "Idol".


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Random thoughts of me....doorbells/spinning in circles....exciting...I know.


Quote:
"The bravest thing you can do is dare to be yourself"

There's No Place Like Home

I just finished watching the movie The Terminal and I loved it! But the last line of the movie is what inspired tonights (almost tomrrows) post. "I'm going home. I'm going home" and the way he said it was just so impactful. You know, he said it after a long thoughtful pause and then just said he wanted to go home. And it got me to start thinking about the importance and meaning of the word home. And while I'm thinking about it, certain catch phrases crept into my mind like "A house is not a home" and "Home is where the heart is". But what do I really feel about the word home? I throw it around loosely but do I really mean it all the time when I say it? I remember one day when I was talking with my friend Ryan and I had said something like "I have to go home before my next class" or something like that. And he said that it was funny that I was already calling my apartment home when I had only been living there for like a month. Every time I call my apartment in Fullerton home, I think about that. I mean is home really somewhere where the heart is? Or is it just a place where you go at night, a place where you live. I mean I considered my "home" in San Diego when I lived there. But then I moved, so did that mean my house in Temecula was considered "home"? Or was Temecula just home because that's where my family was? I mean how funny is it that every where you go it automatically becomes home? Should home be a matter of the heart or a matter of location? I think, home really is where the heart is, where the people you love and care about most in the world reside. I think San Diego, Temecula, and now Fullerton is my home, heck the whole state of California is my home. There's no other place I'd rather be. But I think when I do say I'm heading home, and I mean my apartment I think it is just because there is no other word for it.
Now while I was writing this it got me thinking about other things that people do or say loosely. Like the word "love" does it really lose its significance if it's just thrown around carelessly, if I tell everyone I see boy or girl that I love them all the time and even if I'm in a relationship and we get to the "i love you" stage if we say it ALL the time after every sentence does it lose its meaning? And sex, for people that sleep around or just have sex a lot with their boyfriend, doesn't it lose its specialness for the wedding night?
I know love and sex are in a whole different category than a home, but they are things that are for most of the time treated carelessly when they should be things that should be thought fondly and with affection.
Sorry if I rambled and didn't make sense 100% of the time.


*Future Posts*
*If any of the future posts i've mention in other posts seem interesting let me know and I'll write about it. Otherwise it may be awhile till I get to them.


Quote (and my new motto):
"I'll eat some breakfast, then, change the world."- Hairspray

That Ain't No Stranger He's Family

So tonight I did something that probably wasn't the smartest of choices but I felt compelled to do it nonetheless. I was leaving the Pointe aftermath at In & Out at around um let's just say 9:15 and I was pulling out of my parking spot when I see this homeless man walking down across the parking lot pushing a shopping cart just piled with stuff. I was kind of with myself for recently cleaning out my car so I didn't have all my normal stash of water bottles because I could have given him the bottles to recycle rather than just throw them away. But I didn't have anything but 2 big water bottles stilled filled with water. I knew it probably wouldn't be the safest thing in the world to approach this guy but I wanted to anyway. So I drove up to him with my window partially open and I asked him if he wanted some bottles to collect even if they did have water in them. He told me he already had water and he didn't need anything and then he said God Bless and I drove away. I felt really good inside, even if I didn't actually do anything to help, maybe, just maybe he could have slept a little easier at night knowing that some people do care about him. I like to do nice things for people.



Future Posts:
*Apartment/Apartment Hunting
*Job
*Cheating Scandal
*Doorbells
*Spinning in Circles to Make Decisions


Quote:
"Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave."

I Don't Fail Classes, I Fail Life

Ok, I know, the title is a bit dramatic but I don't really care! I'm am so very irritated, discouraged, upset, frustrated, let-down, and any other words that are synonyms to those listed! I just got all my grades for my first semester of college, and if you can't tell by now, I'm not very happy with the results! Here's the final grades and with them my thoughts:
ART OF THEATRE: B+: I was expecting an A so getting a B was not really something I celebrated.
INTRO TO STAGECRAFT: C+: Ok so I know I haven't posted the "Cheating Scandal" yet but for those who do, you know I should be thankful I didn't fail the class. And don't get me wrong, I'm extremely glad I passed the class but I thought with all the hard work I put into that class from staying up night after night after night and putting in 30 hours in the Scenic Lab I could have at least managed a B-.
ORAL COMM OF LITERATURE: B: Not much to say on this because I expected a B and so that is what I got and I'm perfectly ok with it.
PRODUCTION & PERFORMANCE 478B: A: Yea I was expecting that too and the class really wasn't that challenging so not too much of an accomplishment.
COLLEGE ALGEBRA: C+: Yea so I knew I had a C the whole semester but I thought with the last bit of hw and the extra credit and the excused assignments and the final I could have brought it up to a B but yea guess I was wrong.
A
B
B
C
C
GPA: 2.87
That was the killer...the GPA, I have never NEVER NEVER gotten lower than a 3.0, now that I think of it, I've never ever had a 3.0! I don't even know how this happened. I mean I'd understand if I slacked off the whole semester and never did anything but NO! I actually tried and like it doesn't even matter! This is seriously the most horrible thing to happen yet! Even worse than the cheating thing! I didn't even fail a class! I mean those grades are decent! But will my mother see that?? NOPE! She won't care. And I just don't know what to do and I've hit so many roadblocks in this college experience that now I realize why a lot of college freshman drop out. It's just so hard to continue for something and work hard for it when so many things are against you. I wish graduation was here so I can just move to Mexico and not worry about even of this anymore!




*Due to the frustration of this note I am skipping the future posts and quote section...they will return on my next post.

Now I Have Two Forks In My Cheesecake

Ok so the other day...Moday...my roommate, our friend, and myself decided to make a cheesecake run so we made our trek to the Cheesecake Factory and ordered our wonderfully delicious cheesecake. On our way back we were like hey let's go get some Golden Spoon too! Yea afterwards we realized that, that was probably not the best of ideas but oh well. So anyways, later in the night I went to get my left over cheesecake out of the fridge and I also went to get a fork for it. When I went to sit down however and I realized that there already was a fork in my cheesecake that I left in there from earlier. For some reason, I thought this was a quite funny event and I was like hey, there is the title of my next post.
Ok now I'm going to try to turn the meaning of my story in a somewhat philosophical message.
How many times do we ask for something for Christmas or our birthdays that we know we don't need and once we have we forget we have it. I know that it has happened to me numerous times. And then not only do we forget what we have but then we go and buy something similar only to have two things lie forgotten in our closets or under our beds. Now how lame is that? I mean some people have absolutely nothing and would love to have even a smidge of what we have yet they don't and we have so much that means nothing to us. It really isn't fair huh? I mean if I could, I'd give away just about everything in my closet right now because I hardly use any of it and I don't even know what is in there anymore. But I would really have to go through it first to confirm that I didn't give anything of personal meaning to me. Still, it isn't very fair, even with the right mind set, even the greatest of missionaries have trouble giving away some of their belongings. We always have more than we need, and that's just the way it will be. We can make a difference for some, but there will always be those who ask and ask and ask for stuff they don't need, will never use, and will end up forgotten.


Future Posts:
*Apartment/Apartment hunting
*Job
*Cheating Scandal
*Doorbells
*Spinning in circles to make decisions

Quote:
"Put your faith in what you most believe in"- Tarzan the musical.

Doubt me, I dare you

So for those of you who do not know yet last week (well 12/28-1/1) I was down in San Diego at a Winter Conference for Campus Crusade for Christ. It was an amazing experience and I had a great time. I got to meet a lot new people and I got a lot closer to others. You could really feel God working wonders there with a lot of people but to be honest I didn't really feel it until about the second to last night. On that night during our main session they spoke about going to different parts of the country for spring break, a summer project, or STINT (a year long project). Anyways for some reason just sitting there looking ahead in the pamphlet and I saw that they did programs in Mexico City. Right away I just knew that, that was what I was being called to do. Now I really enjoy going on mission trips and I feel that, that is how God is using be right now but I don't really see it as something I dedicate my life to. However, when I saw that I could live in Mexico for a year something inside of me just clicked and I knew that is what I wanted to do. So right then and there I made the decision that I would move down to Mexico City for a year once I graduate from college. Now some of you might think that I won't go through with this and if you think that it is fine with me because then I can just prove you wrong. But I really feel this is what I want to do and so I am going to make it happen. Now if you do believe I can do it, support and encouragement is appreciated. I know that it will still be about 4 years from now but that is a long time to have my mind be changed or things to occur that will move me from my decision. So keep me in your prayers that I can and will follow through and move to Mexico City. And if you doubt me, that is cool to, just be prepared to apologize for trying to bring me down. Thank you!


Future Posts:
*Apartment
*Job
*Cheating Scandal
*Doorbells
*Cheesecake and too many forks


Quote:
"Don't dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose."