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Now I need some advice from you guys, my loyal readers. I've made the decision last weekend to end my "best friend"ship with well my best friend. I just feel like we're at two different levels in our lives right now. I mean he's changing in ways that the old him never would have. He's hanging with a new friend who I really don't care for and seems to be shutting out his old friend. It seems weird to me and I just don't understand. I also feel that maybe I'm at a different maturity rate than he is. I'm not saying that I'm so perfect and mature but I feel that with my situation and upcoming situations, I've had to grow-up a little faster. I'm being forced into the "real" world earlier than most. I mean my parents are leaving the state so I no longer have them as a crutch, I'm going to have to start paying most of the rent, especially if I have to pay for a whole apartment for two months in the summer, I haven't bought groceries in a long time and I need to sometime soon, I need a second job to keep up with payments...it's just a lot to handle at 18, not to mention that I'm balancing all that while also taking 17 units at school. And him on the other hand doesn't have to worry about any of that! He lives in the dorms so he doesn't need to worry about rent or bills, he doesn't even need to get a job if he doesn't want to. And that's not a bad thing! I mean I am glad that he doesn't have to worry about all that, and if I lived in the dorms who knows how my life would be. But I didn't get into the dorms and so things are different. And I'm not saying he is immature, I'm just saying we're growing at different rates. When I tried to explain this to him he took it the wrong way. I'm not saying that I'm so much more grown-up because I have all these responsibilities but I just feel we are at two different places. We also come from two different belief systems and as much as I wish I could change him, I know I can't. And finally, most of the time when I am sad it is because of him. Last I heard a best friend shouldn't make you cry all the time. I see other best friends and they seem like they are always having a good time and have such a strong connection. I lost that with him.
My roommate and I want to move out of our apartment complex to somewhere totally different and one of the main reasons is because we want a fresh start. And along with that fresh start and I want other fresh starts with other aspects of my life. I feel I just need to cut loose my ties with friends who bring me down. They may have been good friends at one point but now we're just in two different worlds it seems. I know I'm immature at times but I know when to become mature and I think that is where others fall short. So I'm going to try going without a best friend for a while to see how that goes. I just hate not having someone to turn to. It's like now, I have no one I can go and talk to, or cry to, or vent to. It's not a good feeling.
Now what I'm asking from you guys is...am I making the right choice in all of this? If you were in my shoes would you do the same? Should I cut ties completely or just minimize contact. When I first made this decision I wasn't that sad, however, right now, I'm very sad and I just want these dang tears to stop.
*future post and quote section will return in the next post*
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3 comments:
I would just say minimized contact and then after awhile the contact would probably come to an end anyway. But you know yourself and your friend a lot better than I do.
I would agree. At least demote him to normal friend status, and see how things go from there.
Rowley,
I agree with the previous two comments. Even though I tend to be a pretty loyal friend, if I sense that a friendship isn't what it used to be, I have a tendency to let relationships go too quickly. In the past I've had relationships where I felt our maturity was on two different levels, and I begin (unintentionally) neglecting those relationships while focusing on developing ones, and all of a sudden I hadn't talked to those people for several months. You don't want to burn your bridges, especially if there hasn't been a crisis or specific falling-out. But on the other hand sometimes it is wise to be intentional about who your (best) friends are and who you invest most of your time in.
And although I certainly wouldn't presume to be too close of a friend after such a short time, if you ever need a listening ear, I'd be happy to provide one.
Your brother,
AJ
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