Summer Project Update #2

So, a lot has happened between now and the last time you've heard from me. A lot of bad, some good. Last Sunday we went to the church we were assigned to. It's called Faith Community Church and is a very very small church that probably at best has a congregation of 40. It also has no air condition so when we went for the first time on the hottest day so far, it wasn't much fun. But the people are very loving and it's a really comforting environment to be in. They are even throwing us a cook out tomorrow afternoon. Also, every other week Crusade does worship for the church and I am the worship coordinator for it, so that's pretty cool, I guess I will get to sing after all. On Monday it was day one of working and let's just say it's pretty tough. I was outside working in the parking lot for 5.5 hours before I had a break and was pretty upset about it. But my boss, Jeff, is amazing and really looks out for me and is always asking me how I'm doing and will also sit with me on my breaks to let me talk and vent about stuff. He's fun to because he keeps betting all of us and we all keep losing so we buy him coffee like all the time. The job is hard and frustrating. Three of our members got promoted like right away to a supervisor position and I think that is just really hard for me to handle because they really didn't do anything more than anyone else and I feel now I can't see them as a friend. But it's alright, I didn't come here to have the perfect job. Monday night was kind of when things took a bad turn. Some of you may have received a text message from me about a teammate who was missing. His name was Jackson and he was one of the guys who went to the ER last week. Jackson still wasn't completely feeling well so he stayed at the house while we all went to our weekly meeting (why he was left alone I'm still not sure). When we returned later that night the house was unlocked and Jackson was missing. His stuff was still out in the house so I believe that he probably left in a hurry. Right away I had a feeling that something was wrong so me and two other friends went out looking for him. About half an hour later we found out that a search party had been issued and all students and staff were spread out on the beach looking for Jackson. That's when I knew things were getting serious and searched more desperately. We finally got a call at almost midnight that Jackson had been found. We found out that he had some mental problems that he didn't tell the staff prior to coming to project and that he has manic depression and one of the results from this problem for him in the past was alcohol. He went to a rehab back in the fall for it but his parents thought he was better and had high hopes for him this summer. He was found drunk and I think that someone had probably gone to the house and he went with them. I don't know for sure but all I know was that this really really made me upset and I have a lot of unanswered questions about it. His dad came home to get him and now he's back in Oklahoma. So please just pray for him, he's a great guy and I'm really sad I wasn't able to get to know him more.
The rest of the week has been ok. We met with our different teams throughout the week and continued to work. I've had some great conversations with people and they've helped me get through this whole Jackson thing. On Thursday night though, we had another big change. Jonathon Welch, who most of you may know, decided to go home, it just wasn't meant for him to be here. I knew this was coming because he told me but it was still hard for the guys he was discipling. Later that night we had women's time and it was amazing. We talked about emotions and how it's ok to have them. This was big for me because I base a lot of what I do on my feelings, it was nice to know I'm not the only one who feels and thinks certain ways. Today (Saturday) we did a staff scavenger hunt and that was incredibly fun yet stressful. I'm still struggling with finding my role on the community team but I'm sure God will show me what it is.
That's it for now. Sorry for it being so lengthy.
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for the health of myself (I've been sick for about a week) and the others here.
Pray that the jobs we are working at provide opportunities for us to have spiritual conversations.
Pray for Jackson and his family as he struggles with this situation and that I can still be a friend to him if he needs.

Summer Project Update 1

So as of right now I have been in Hampton Beach, New Hampshire for about 5-6 days. I took three different airplanes starting at 7am and ending at around 3pm. I was exhausted by the end of the day and it didn't help that when I landed in Manchester, my luggage didn't. But because I was waiting for another girl to arrive, I was there when my luggage did arrive on a later flight from Philadelphia. Me and the other girl, Angela (also from California) arrived at the White Gull (the house we are staying at) at about 6:30 to see everyone had already arrived. It was kind of fun though because as soon as the shuttle stopped, a whole group of guys came out of no where, opened the doors and took our luggage out and up to our rooms! That's a service I could get use to! That night we ate together and got to know names (which I finally have all the names down!) of the 55 other students and 23 staff leaders. Then we separated men and women. I heard rumor the men had to go jump into the freezing cold water at the beach, while we women had a somewhat woman iniation thing. The next day we went out job hunting where I quickly got hired at Happy Hampton Arcade starting out at $9 an hour which is more than I got at Barnes & Noble so I was very excited! It was also a relief knowing I had a job while even now some of my fellow housemates are still scrambling to find jobs. But we've been doing a lot of orientation stuff this first week so it's been nice to have time to relax and get situated. It's fun too because most people here are from the east coast (i'm one of 3 from California) and so there are a lot of fun accents here and sometimes I start talking like them by habit, so when I come back and I talk with an accent, don't make fun! We got assigned to certain servant teams and I was chosen for the community team. I tried to get away from community as that is what I help lead back at school and so I didn't put it my first choice, I'd of rather had weekly meeting or outreach, but I seem to keep getting called to community and we have a great team so I'm excited to see where it takes me! I hope I just don't get sick of community that I can't come back and do an effective job back at Fullerton.

Yesterday (June 6th) we went to Boston to do a scavenger hunt and to share so that was a really cool experience. I am in love with the city of Boston!!! There is so much history there that it was really cool to be in the same spots as our founding fathers. Also, two guys from our guys brought one guy to Christ so praise God for that! First week here and we're already making our presense known and doing some amazing stuff! Also in Boston, we came across the Campus Crusade for Christ International Headquarters for the North East region so it was cool to see what all goes in to running Crusade. So that is pretty much for now, I turn 20 years old today and I was nervous I'd be sad and alone on my birthday but instead I've been surrounded by love. Just about all the girls on project burst through my room at midnight with balloons and a banner and my roommates are making me a cake. We also have a free day today so that's nice to. So to wrap up, I'm having a fabulous time and I thank you all for your constant support. For some prayer requests, I ask that you pray for the health of my housemates, already 2 people have been to the ER, I ask that you pray for humble hearts as we begin doing God's work here, I ask for prayer for those who still do not have jobs, and then just for prayer that I earn all my support (I still need about $500). I'm so blessed to be here and I can't wait to see all the God has planned!

She is running, a hundred miles an hour, in the worng direction.

I absolutely love this song (Does Anybody Hear Her- Casting Crowns). It really puts reality into perspective. How often do we go to church and see some one different from us or someone we don't want to socialize with so we do what we can to sit far away from them. We put up these barriers and we use them as security as to not get to know others, as to not break the conformity of it all. But are not we called to welcome in those we don't know. To love our neighbor as ourselves. Why must all our actions be based on judgements? Even in a church. Especially in a church. We all fall victim to it but yet we don't do much to change. I guess all it really takes is one person though, one person to stretch out a hand of mercy and welcome those who have felt lost and abandoned. It only starts with one. I want to be that one. Do you?


'Judgement looms under every steeple. With lofty glances from lofty people. We can't see past her scarlet letter, and we've never even met her."

I am head over heels in love with

Power Steering <3

Seriously, I never realized how much I loved it until it was gone. I took it for granted. I didn't appreciate it enough. And then one day, it was gone. Just like that. Ok so I did lose it about 4-5 months ago (wow this semester flew on by!) but I still miss it! It takes so much strength to turn my stupid car. Especially now that I have all my stuff in it.

The reason I bring this up is because for the second time, I drove Ryan to school today. Whenever I drive him to school I get to drive his cool mom mini van because he won't fit in my car comfortably otherwise. The best thing about the van is that it has power steering! It turns so easily, with just a slight turn of the wrist. It's amazing. I just wish I could just use his car the whole time he's hurt, or at least until I leave. Oh well, my dad said he'd fix my car while I was gone this summer.

As requested:

Ryan Update:

He's going slightly crazy having to have the halo brace on his head.

It's been 3 weeks since he's had it on.

He has 9 more weeks to go.

The doctor's thought he might be able to take it off after 6 weeks and wear a neck brace for the remaining 6 weeks but the doctors just told him that they would definitely not recommend that. He'll be fine though, he's kind of pessimisstic right now, I'm sure he would really appreciate some words of encouragement.

So it's official...

I am now homeless.
Last night was a challenge. I did not realize how much a whole bunch of little things can add up. I've filled my car up to capacity with bag after bag after bag of loose odds and ends. Then I cleaned some more turned in my keys and that was that.
Luckily for me I have some freaking amazing friends such as Amy Grace and Merrilee who have so graciously opened up their home to me. I feel bad though, I hate to impose on others. But as Candice pointed out to me, if they were in my position and I was in theirs, wouldn't I open up my home to them? Of course! So we'll see how it goes.

I have a bunch of papers to write now. I'd rather not do them but I desperately need to bring up my grades. I really, really wish I had a passion, drive, motivation for school. I really wish I could be the kind of student who goes straight home and does homework or studies early, writes papers ahead of time. But I just can't do it. I cannot make myself. Every semester I say I'll try a little harder, and I do, for like a month, and then my brain just shuts off. Who knows though, maybe when I move into the house, I'll make myself really organized, I'll make sure my computer desk is completely clean and that there is ink in the printer and I will give myself a study space that I so desperately need.

Two finals down (I survived!) three more to go! I can't wait until I'm done! This has been a rough semester...

I predict death before the age of 30.

Not for me. I'm going to live until I'm 400. But my dear friend Ryan, I swear he is going to die within the next 10 years. He always tells me not to worry about him. We argue over whether or not racing is the best thing in the world. Our arguments lead into fights, yet who is proven right? Me! I mean, of course I support him but there has to be a point where he just knows when to give it a break. Start racing only 3 weekends out of the month, then maybe twice a month. This last accident was just too unbearable for me to deal with. I spent the whole day after the accident having multiple panic attacks. What an awful feeling it is to not know if your best friend is ok.

For those who don't know:
Ryan was racing a few weeks ago and his bike hit a rock which threw him over the handlebars and he landed on his head. He was airlifted to a hospital in Bakersfield. I got a text Monday at about 1:45 in the morning telling me he was in the hospital. I texted him but his brother had his phone and telling me that he was having surgery that day. Ryan called me later that night telling me that he broke his neck and crushed his lower vertabrae. If he had crushed it any higher he would have died. He just found out the back of his brain is bruised which is why his vision is messed up (he's somewhat color blind). He also has to wear a halo neck brace which is this big metal thing that entraps his head and is screwed into his skull.

Seriously, he's always getting injured. I try to be supportive, really I do. Because I know how important racing is to him. But I'd love to see Ryan be able to live a long life free of injury and any other ailment. How can I stop worrying about him when he's always getting hurt. I love this kid to death and I don't know what I'd do without him. Blah. Why couldn't he be interested in something like badminton, that can be somewhat fun and a lot safer!

I have decided....

That I really hate moving.
Well maybe not so much the moving aspect of it as much as it is the packing. I'm too lazy to do it right. I mean I'd like to organize it accordingly so that when I move in somewhere new I can start out all organized, but that usually doesn't happen. I procrastinate so much (as I am doing now) and then end up either throwing a lot of things away (which isn't a bad thing) or I just throw it all in a box, mark it "random", tape it up, and go on with my merry way. I mean, my dad will be here in, I'm guessing, 4-5 hours and all i have packed is my books (which is actually like 5 boxes!), my movies, and my wall stuff. I still have two loads of laundry to do! Goodness! What am I doing with my life! I also have a whole book to read and two papers to write and a crap load of finals to study for! Oh well, story of my life.

On a sadder note.
I'm kind of sad to be leaving the Camdens. I mean I've lived here for 15 months! That's almost my whole "not-living-at-home" life! I've had some great times here. I've had 3 roommates come through here. I've had countless get togethers here. I've laughed, I've cried, I've yelled, I've rejoiced. This place holds a lot of memories and I'm going to be sad to see it go.


Quote of the Post:
"Do not pray for easy lives. pray to be stronger men."

I'm back...for how long, I'm not sure

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. There's not so much time anymore as I'd hope there would be.

So we'll start with an update:
Last we left off it was last August. Since then I've changed my major (Religious Studies!), I've done A LOT with Crusade to the point of emotional break-down (yea, I know, it's bad), and had to cry to get a C in history. Yea, nothing too impressive but what can I say..that's how my life is. I still work at Barnes & Noble and tutoring at the school. It can be draining at times but you do what you have to do. I don't know how much longer I will be tutoring though, I lost the love for the job that I use to have for it. But I am working with Merrilee (well technically she works across the street from me but we still get to carpool) and that makes it a lot more enjoyable. Hmm lets see, we had Winter Conference again which was amazing! Again. I got to spend a lot of time with Ryan Kudla which was really good. I felt at a point he and I were drifting away but that week down there was good for us and we spent most of the time together, I think it saved our friendship, but shhh don't tell him I said that. What else, hmm, oh yea I got accepted to the summer project I wanted! So that is really exciting! I will be spending 10 weeks in Hampton Beach, NH! I'm excited but nervous, it is really hard to raise support, I thought the finacial support would come in easily but I didn't take in the fact that my family doesn't support me at all. But whatever, it's just the devil trying to interfere with God's plans for my life. Let's see, I was challenged to join the leadership team for Crusade this semester and I was thrilled and happily accepted. However, I think I jumped into things too fast. It was a hard transition but it really challenged me and strengthed me as a person. I was in charge of community stuff and it was kind of stressful because I kind of took it on by myself, but in the end I had a great team helping me out. I will probably do it again next semester but it's still up in the air. I'm not sure how things will work next semester because we have new staff leaders coming in. At first I was really sad about Brent and Lindsay leaving and LA Metro as a whole coming apart but now I'm excited and know this will be for the best.

Now for why I decided to write again (other than the fact the Ryan always pressures me to update!):

I'm halfway through my college experience! Holy crap! That's all I can say! I'm almost done with my second year of college, and because of my major change I only have 15 more classes to take. I can't believe that in another 2 years I will be a college graduate and having to face the world ahead of me. I don't know where I'm headed, I don't know what to do. God knows, I don't, but I trust He will lead me in the right direction. These last 2 years have seriously FLOWN by! I cannot believe where I am in life right now. I am a completely different person now than I was when I graduated high school. I like who I am, for the most part anyways. I owe a lot of that to Crusade. I honestly cannot even begin to imagine what my college life would have been like if I never wandered over to that one random table that one random day on the Titan Walk. What a blessing, that is for sure. I am freaked out that I am going to graduate relatively soon, but at the same time, I'm excited to see where these next two years will lead and what God has in store for me. It shall be exciting!


Love You Guys!!!



Quote of the Post:
"Watch your thoughts for they become your words. watch your words for they become your actions. watch your actions for they become your character. watch your character for it becomes your destiny."