Losing a best friend is harder than I thought

Now I need some advice from you guys, my loyal readers. I've made the decision last weekend to end my "best friend"ship with well my best friend. I just feel like we're at two different levels in our lives right now. I mean he's changing in ways that the old him never would have. He's hanging with a new friend who I really don't care for and seems to be shutting out his old friend. It seems weird to me and I just don't understand. I also feel that maybe I'm at a different maturity rate than he is. I'm not saying that I'm so perfect and mature but I feel that with my situation and upcoming situations, I've had to grow-up a little faster. I'm being forced into the "real" world earlier than most. I mean my parents are leaving the state so I no longer have them as a crutch, I'm going to have to start paying most of the rent, especially if I have to pay for a whole apartment for two months in the summer, I haven't bought groceries in a long time and I need to sometime soon, I need a second job to keep up with payments...it's just a lot to handle at 18, not to mention that I'm balancing all that while also taking 17 units at school. And him on the other hand doesn't have to worry about any of that! He lives in the dorms so he doesn't need to worry about rent or bills, he doesn't even need to get a job if he doesn't want to. And that's not a bad thing! I mean I am glad that he doesn't have to worry about all that, and if I lived in the dorms who knows how my life would be. But I didn't get into the dorms and so things are different. And I'm not saying he is immature, I'm just saying we're growing at different rates. When I tried to explain this to him he took it the wrong way. I'm not saying that I'm so much more grown-up because I have all these responsibilities but I just feel we are at two different places. We also come from two different belief systems and as much as I wish I could change him, I know I can't. And finally, most of the time when I am sad it is because of him. Last I heard a best friend shouldn't make you cry all the time. I see other best friends and they seem like they are always having a good time and have such a strong connection. I lost that with him.
My roommate and I want to move out of our apartment complex to somewhere totally different and one of the main reasons is because we want a fresh start. And along with that fresh start and I want other fresh starts with other aspects of my life. I feel I just need to cut loose my ties with friends who bring me down. They may have been good friends at one point but now we're just in two different worlds it seems. I know I'm immature at times but I know when to become mature and I think that is where others fall short. So I'm going to try going without a best friend for a while to see how that goes. I just hate not having someone to turn to. It's like now, I have no one I can go and talk to, or cry to, or vent to. It's not a good feeling.
Now what I'm asking from you guys is...am I making the right choice in all of this? If you were in my shoes would you do the same? Should I cut ties completely or just minimize contact. When I first made this decision I wasn't that sad, however, right now, I'm very sad and I just want these dang tears to stop.





*future post and quote section will return in the next post*

New Friend

I guess you can say I have an active imagination. Oh well. I have a new friend. He's Mexican AND Italian. Yea two in one! His name is Raul and he is a ravioli. He's pretty cool. Currently, he resides on my apartment white board. He's drawn in green but really he's white with red sauce on him. He's had quite an eventful life so far. Right now he's at the shining age of 10. Just a baby in comparison to the rest of my friends. He use to live in Italy with the birthname of Luigi. However, his life almost came to an end when he found himself face to face with an angry chef. He luckily was able to dodge the menu and made his escape. He hopped onto the first cruise ship leaving Italy and kept hidden the whole time not wanting to risk being cooked. When the ship docked, Luigi quickly ran off and soon realized he was far from Italy. He was in fact, in Mexico. He figured this was his chance to start a new life. I mean, who eats ravioli in Mexico anyways? Luigi figured it best to completely diminish any part of his old life and so his first step was to change his name. So Luigi became Raul. Now Luigi's, excuse me I mean Raul, next step was to get a job. I mean you can't live without money! So he became the owner of a small taco stand near the border. What a better way to avoid being cooked. He's in charge of all the cooking so there is nothing to worry about! After he was somewhat financially stable he purchased some Mexican clothing, put on his sombrero and his poncho, and went to find a place to live. However, Raul soon realized that he couldn't possibly continue to live in Mexico because he could simply not master the Spanish language. So what did he do? He crossed the border into America and managed to travel all the way up to Fullerton, California. That's where I come into the story. I was rummaging through my cupboard when I heard a small voice trying to call out to me. I soon realized it was coming from the can of Chef Boyardee. I quickly opened the can and dumped it out and that's when I discovered Raul. He told me he was a special ravioli who was very much alive (like I couldn't tell!) and he didn't want me to eat him. Now of course I wouldn't eat Raul! I mean I felt this connection with him right away! He's my buddy, and now I keep him safe and sound in my apartment. He dreams of becoming either a world famous chef or a star on Broadway. We're still looking into the chances of a ravioli actually achieving these goals but we have high hopes.

Back in Full Swing

Winter break is finally over and what else is there to do but return back to school. Before I get into this semester I'm going to go over some things that happened last semester. Let's just say that last semester was definitely not the best and was a perfect example of what a first semester at college should NOT be like. It wasn't too horrible at the beginning. I mean I made a small group of really good friends who I will hopefully stay friends with for a majority of my college experience. Especially my friend Liz. I met her on the first day of school and she's already been there for me through a lot of stuff, and I mean a lot. But she's great and I don't know what I'd do without her. I also met people from Campus Crusade and although I was unable to be involved as much as I'd like to be, I still really enjoyed it and am looking forward to Crusade this semester. The major event that occured last semester which made it not so good was what happened in my Intro to Stagecraft class. Now that was my first mistake. I'm one of the last people that should ever have been in that class, but oh well. The teacher was ok, so I thought at first, but now I just have so much anger towards him. What happened was that he assigned us a drawing and Liz and I could not figure out how to do it so we went to my apartment after school and worked on it together. We did our own work and didn't collaborate at all. We just were working together so if we got stuck or had a question we could help one another. When our teacher returned them to us though we both had "See me after class" written on it and of course, that couldn't be good. He accused of cheating and even though both our stories matched, he determined after 5 minutes that we were lying (even when we didn't). His justification for his accusations? Our spacing was the same (we both skipped a line) so obviously we cheated. And also we both wrote the prices in the same manner as he does on quizzes (assuming that is the way he wanted things done). After this happened he never mentioned it again. Then, the last week of the semester, Liz and I both received these big scary "confidential" envelopes in the mail. Inside it told us that we had cheated and that we received a zero on the assignment. Although I thought that was unfair because I didn't do anything wrong, that wasn't what made me upset. What made me upset was that it said we had a certain amount of days after the assignment was due to appeal it. However, he reported it so late that we were already out of days and so we couldn't appeal it. It was just so underhanded the way he went about things and I am still so mad at him and as of now have no good feelings. I managed a C+ in the class and let me tell you, that was quite an accomplishment.
Now for this semester, I'm planning on working harder and accomplishing more without actually making my teachers hate me. This semester just needs to be great and that's all there is to it. Although I consider Liz one of my best friends at school we've decided not to do any sort of homework together, even if it's for two different classes. We know we didn't do anything wrong but we don't want to take any chances. This semester already started out kind of shaky with me not getting the make-up class I need but everything else seems to be going ok and I'm really looking forward to what God has in store for me this semester. As week one comes to an official end as of 30 minutes ago, I have high hopes for the months to come.


Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Raul the Ravioli
*Blast from the Past
*Semi-Trucks
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Happiness is felt by making other people happy"

All By Myself

After a little break I finally decided to try and attempt another entry. I'm still not really into writing right now so my apologies if this one isn't as well written as previous entries.

So, I had this idea for this post a while ago and didn't really plan on writing it anytime soon but after a request I decided to go for it anyways.
A while back, like way, way back, I hated to be alone. I never enjoyed being by myself. If I did happen to be alone I would talk on the phone or e-mail people. Even at church, I never wanted to walk around by myself. I'm not quite sure why I felt that way but it was a big part of my life for well 18 years. It wasn't until recently that I was wanting to actually be by myself. I mean when I walked around CSUF to classes I was alone but not really by choice but because there are 40,000 people around and I knew maybe like 5 of them. But I think my change of mind occured because my roommate was rubbing off on me. She would constantly go out to breakfast by herself or the movies or whatever. I always thought that was kind of odd because I could never imagine myself doing that. However, as time went on and as I slowly matured (I think I matured anyways) I began to realize being alone isn't so bad. Now I find myself wanting to be by myself now and then. To go and do something just myself. It's a good thought really, I mean you only have to worry about making plans with yourself, you don't have to worry about splitting a check, you can be spontaneous and just go whenever, and you're in the best of company. There are times when I would rather be with people, in fact most of the time I prefer company. However, being alone doesn't seem so bad. I like walking around by myself and go shopping and I think I'm even at the point where I could go catch a movie by myself if I wanted to. The best things could happen in the quiet. When I'm alone I get the chance to think a lot, I can write or read, I can sing as loud as I want, I make my own decisions, and lately I've had some amazing talks with God. These things can be done with others but for me, I do these things best when I'm alone. My advice for you, try and take time for yourself. I spend a lot of time by myself but that's not what I mean. I mean go to a restaurant by yourself or to a movie. Go for a walk, talk to yourself, even if it means people look at you like you're crazy. People look at me like I'm crazy all the time and that's perfectly ok with me. You'd be surprised at what you can learn about yourself and what you can discover and accomplish when you're by yourself. Most of the time I don't get those experiences, but hey, I'm new to this. But try it for yourselves, let me know how it works for you!



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing
*Growing Up
*Crying
*Raul the Ravioli
*Blast from the Past
(I know there's a lot to write about but I'll get to them all, I promise.)


Quote:
"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
~Booker T. Washington

Just a note

Ok I know I haven't written in a few days and although I know what I'm going to write next (a request from AJ) I can't seem to get in a writing note. But I have a lot of things to write about and I will get to them eventually. Stay tuned and I'll be back at it hopefully sometime soon. Thanks to all of you who read these! I appreciate it! Love you guys!

This Town Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us

So today my mother told me she and my step-father had plans that night, so I was like hmm ok I will just go to the movies by myself since I was in Temecula and no one else was around. But then she told me that her plans got changed and so we all went out to dinner and then to see a movie. On our way back, we had to stop at the grocery store to pick up some laundry detergent so that I could do my laundry (go figure). As we were driving down the lovely HWY 79 I realized I hardly ever drive down far enough like I use to. We were driving and I noticed a stop light I never saw before but the thing that irritated me the most was what I saw just a bit further down. Down by our Ralphs I spotted a sign that looked vaguely familiar. That's when I turned my head towards the window and I saw the beginnings of a Best Buy. Now it's not that I have anything against Best Buy but we don't need one by the Ralphs! We don't need one in Temecula period! I mean it just looked so out of place in that small shopping center! They are also building an Office Max even though Staples is right down the street! I'm so sick of people trying to cram more and more resturants/stores/buildings/homes into Temecula! There's not enough room for it all! When I first learned the existence of Temecula it was a small town with hardly anything, not even a Walmart. But now, it just seems so over crowded! It takes forever to get anywhere due to the newly developed traffic! I just can't stand it anymore. I guess you can't really understand this frustration unless you know the Temecula area or another use-to-be small town. It's just so irritating, why do they need to keep building? We have plenty of stuff! I mean there's a Best Buy in Murrieta just 15 minutes away! It will probably take the same amount of time to jump on the freeway and drive the couple exits to Murrieta as it will to get to the one off HWY 79 because of all the new stoplights and other obscurities.
It's just so frustrating. Why fix something that doesn't need to be fixed? Just let things be.


Can't wait for that waterpark to come in! (not even kidding, they're going to build one in Temecula too!)



Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me
*Traffic
*Solitary
*Musicals
*National Anthem
*Inner core
*Singing


Quotes:
"Laughter is my medicine. Music is my gift. Acting is my passion. True friends are my saving grace. God is my hero!"
~Ryan Boone (a friend of my brother, he had this as his myspace headline and I just found it to be moving, so I thought I'd share it.)

Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Fairest Of Them All

Last night I dyed my hair again. Yea, I know, exciting. But it got me thinking...again...yes I know, I think a lot, leave me alone. So I dyed my hair for the first time in July. Now a lot of people dye their hair to look younger or to look prettier or to catch the eye of that special someone, but that was not the case for myself. I had simply dyed my hair because I was tired of people saying that I had black hair. I do NOT have black hair! It's not that I have anything against black hair, I just don't have it. And I was sick of people telling me that I was the one who was wrong and that I cleary had black hair. Now if any of these idiotic people took the time to actually see my hair in the sun or light then they would know that I in fact had brown hair. Really, really dark brown hair, but brown hair nonetheless. Finally it got to the point where I just could not take it anymore and I wanted to do something drastic. So my friend and I made the journey to WalMart where I plopped myself down on the groud with 10 different possible hair colors to choose from. After purchasing the dye, going to my house, dying the hair, and then dry it, I realized that I wasn't prepared for such a change. I mean I know it's just hair but it would be something I was stuck with for awhile. To be honest, I don't even think my hair is so great, it's not like I ever do anything special to it anyways. But when I saw that my hair was now a distinguish brown it took me back a little bit. My hair was still dark just not as dark. I eventually got use to my hair and went on with my life. But as most hair does, it began to grow. So my true roots showed up unwelcomed and my head became two-toned. Not too pretty. Now it wasn't hideous and not even that noticeable but I knew it was there and that's all that matters. So last night my roommate and I decided to both dye our hair. I don't trust myself at all with that stuff so she did it for me. The final outcome? Not good, not bad. It didn't really cover up the dye I had in originally and the color it was suppose to be isn't really there. My hair pretty much looks the same just a tad darker. I don't really like my hair super dark but what's done is done. Now after all this I ask myself, since I care so much about my hair and how I look does that make me vain? Because I alter my appearance does that mean I'm trying to prove something or better myself? Or can people care about how they look without being considered vain? I mean my hair was fine how it was but I changed it for myself, not others. And this time, I dyed it because the color was leaving, is wanting my hair to be one solid color being vain? What constitutes someone being vain? Is vanity such a big issue we should all be concerned with or is it ok to care about we look like and thus wanting to look nice. I hope no one thinks I'm vain for dying my hair.
Good thing I only paid three bucks for the hair dye though!




Future Posts:
*Apartments
*Jobs
*School
*Randomness of me



Quote:
"I hate theatre, I also hate the sight of my own blood, but it's in my veins."
~Charlie Chapman